Backpacking

Sweet! Just got back from a final "pack check" for my group...I'm heading up (back) into the East Sierra Nevada come this Saturday, the 4th of August. I'm so excited! This is my second trip up there, and I'm really glad that I'm returning. The lakes and the mountains are so pretty... *happy, contented sigh* I'm thinking that this trip'll be just the thing I need to help me edge away more effectively from my campsickness...at least, that's what worked last year, so I'm banking on it again. I just hope that I don't slide down a tweny-foot rock face this time, that sucked a little bit...my mom said she thought I was gonna die. ^^V

Saw two of my camp buddies on Wednesday...we went out to lunch, and I got to ride in a 2006 Ford Mustang... I can't believe she drives that! *jealous* Anyway, we got to talking a little bit about our respective troubles with certain members of the opposite sex, and she made me promise to email Sean (once I get his email address from someone...I'm not a stalker, I swear...). Honestly, though, I really don't know what, if anything, will come from it. I want to just leave it alone, but getting back in contact with someone never hurt anybody, right?

Anyway, I've got to go eat something, I'm starving...I didn't eat breakfast, minus a few tortilla chips, a granola bar, and some Nutella...nutritious, I know...

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I am Lord...Moldy Shorts?

And now, a small smattering of slightly-ludicrous pictures featuring our dear and mutual friend, the one and only, Lord Voldemort. (courtesy of Zatarra)

YYYYYYY

"Nucular Bombs"

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"Tom Riddler"

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"I'll Never Let You Go, Tom!"

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The (Eerily Accurate) Definition of Myself

Something I found amusing... (thanks to Skoteinos Metamfiezomai):

Wikipedia's Definition of a 'Phantom Phan'

"A cult following has evolved around the story, with members calling themselves Phantom Phans. The most obsessive are those enthralled with Erik, but members can be fans of any of the characters. The most common way to spot one of these people is the way they manage to relate their everyday behavior to the story in some way, comparing their current life situation to some aspect of the story, or weaving their favorite character into the topic. Phans have been known to attend film showings in full costume -- though they hardly need that reason to don their capes and masks in public. And they often stop in their tracks at sight of masks, elaborate chandeliers, a new cover to the book, or even pipe organs. They may sing along if a Phantom-related song comes on over the speakers in a store or elevator. At least one Phan became so infatuated with the story that she legally changed her name to Christine Daaé. One website held a year-long competition as to who was the "Official Phantom Phan". The winner has kept that title as of 2006. Websites contain long lists of favored traits of the Phans themselves, Psychological/Medical breakdowns of the characters, comparisons of the book, play, and films, and news about the actors, along with copious fan fiction ("phan-phictions"). Some "phictions" are alternate versions of the same story, and some simply use the setting and characters from The Phantom of the Opera as a launching station for their own storylines. Online Phantom forums have also blossomed over the internet connecting generations of "Phans." The growing number of Phans of The Phantom suggests that these are people who already were inclined to devote themselves to the arts, and many express great interest in other works focusing Gothic romanticism, the forgotten genius, or the damsel in macabre distress."

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Disillusionment, Harry Potter, and Campsickness

Yay. I'm back.

Well, not really a "yay". I mean, it was awesome to get my grubby little hands on the new Harry Potter book (which is EXCELLENT, Snape is my hero)--not to mention taking an actual shower and sleeping in my own bed--but as is always the case with camp... I don't ever want to leave.

It sucks, this campsickness, it really does. I mean, with homesickness, you know you'll have to return eventually, that you will see the same people you always do once you return. However, the same does not hold true with camp. You can never be sure of when (or if) you'll be able to come back, or who you'll see again. Much like high school, I suppose, but I don't want to get started about that.

Also, things are looking a little better for my nonexistent love life in the idea that I think I am beginning to (God, I hate this phrase) "get over" Sean, who I chatted about last time, I believe. I'm not quite sure what happened, but I think my feelings are starting to relinquish their hold...not that I didn't think about him when I was away, of course I did. Especially when some of the other girls all started talking about their boyfriends...I generally like to steer clear of that sort of talk, and with good reason: I tend to be extremely bitter.

Anyway, here's a poem I wrote while I was at camp, dedicated to all my little buddies:

"Bunkmates"

Mixed up, inside out.

Not exactly sure what to

Think, feel, say.

I never want this dream to

End, this step back up and

Away from "reality", from

"Real" life. Verses slipping

From my cynical tongue,

Emotions rolling from my

Unfeeling fingers...

The first time I've written

In quite a long time. Tears

Streaming unchecked--not

Exactly composed, but it

Works--and I have

No other way to express how

I feel excepting the tight

Embrace, the watery glance,

The calls goodbye. And yet,

As we fly our separate ways

Over lands we've traveled

Together so many times in

Out two weeks that have felt

Like heaven, like complete, blissful

Eternity, I realize that though we

Might be separated, it is never quite

Goodbye.

© dark-hearted rose, 2007. All rights reserved. May not be duplicated without the express permission of author.

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YAY! CAMP!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Camp is great,
Camp is good...
Just don't let me choke
On the camp's crappy food.

- me, improvising.

SEE YA!

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Second Chances and the John Mayer Complex

So, I hate John Mayer. It's nothing personal, I don't know the guy...it's like I'm just genetically predisposed to hate him. But, my philosophy is, all true musicians deserve a chance, and he obviously is a rather good musician, since he can play some amazing guitar...

The problem: I HATE the song "Wonderland" or whatever the hell it is...you know the one I'm talking about. Anyway, to quasi-quote my friend Courtney: "Any guy who sings with an acoustic guitar is only out to get girls." Hahaha...

I keep telling my cousin, Wesley (the ultimate John Mayer fangirl, by the way...yeah, he's a guy, so what? I can call him a fangirl if I want to) that I'll give the guy's music a second chance but I don't know if I want to, really. I don't know if it's worth the effort of shattering several years of expectations and anti-John-Mayer-ism.

Which leads me (sort of) to my next topic... Yesterday, you know I said that Maya and I talked about stuff that we both really didn't feel like talking about yet? One of those things for me involves a guy named Sean...

You see, even though I'm now a high school graduate, the whole situation remains somewhat surreal. I want to move on, but at the same time, I don't want to let go of my past. I know that I won't have to actually "forget" anything (though some things are much, much better left forgotten), but when I say "let go", I mean, well...literally.

I've known this guy, Sean, for well over four years now, but only as a really good friend, nothing more. But then, everything just sort of...happened...at Grad Nite. I mean, of all freaking times to realize that I have feelings for the guy, WHY must it happen the night of our graduation? WHY did I suddenly have to find out that resting my head on his shoulder while sitting on the cold, hardwood floor of our lovely high school gymnasium at four o'clock in the morning is quite possibly the most comfortable I've ever felt with anyone of the opposite sex at any time in my life? And WHY must his hair be so damn soft? (<-- yeah, don't ask) Thus, you now understand why my life (and Maya's, as she is basically going through a number of the same things I am) is officially and irrevocably CURSED.

I guess over the whole week of graduation festivities had been building a case for him (I hung out with him a lot more than usual during those days), but I didn't quite realize it until it was too late. Well, in retrospect...perhaps the last two months of school would be a much better estimate. But, at the time, this awareness, this realization of him...it seemed very sudden. It made me feel, dare I say, giddy. Of course, that might have been the fact that it was Grad Nite, and I'd stayed up all night, but honestly, I haven't felt that way about a guy in quite a long time, so back off.

And, of course, due to the fact that I am and A-class loser and generally a self-preserving twice-bitten-always-shy kinda gal when it comes to confessing things to the opposite sex...he doesn't know anything. I haven't even seen him once this summer since Grad Nite.

I guess you could say that I'm sort of depressed about that.

The sole redeeming factor in this whole "unrequitted, too-late-realized attraction" situation: he's staying local. I mean, he's not living at home or anything like that (like I am...) he's actually moving onto a campus, but at least he'll still be in the general vicinity...perhaps a thirty minute drive from my house, given the butt-load of traffic that usually occupies the freeways nowadays. But I'm not sure if I want to...you know, tell him. I'm not sure if I want to risk our friendship like that, all the more fragile because we won't be seeing each other Monday through Friday at school anymore. Emails, phone calls, the occasional lunch outing...but other than that, nothing really. That is, if we stay friends. Just friends. But I am so unsure of myself, whether or not I actually want to persue a relationship with him, and that kills me. Just like it always does.

I guess I just have to think about it more. But I definitely know one thing: I have to see him again over the summer. More than once would be preferred, but, as the saying goes, "Beggars can't be choosers."

You know, I'm going to a wedding in, like, two hours. I hate weddings. Now, I'll hate this one even more...well, you know what I'm going to be thinking/sulking about all evening.

And I still haven't packed for camp. I guess I should go do that...

*glares at Andrea Bocelli cd I just got from the library, entitled AMOR*
*massive headdesk*

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Well, I WAS in a good mood...

MY. FATHER. IS. AN. EFFING. JERK.

In other news, I leave for camp in two days. I pity my brother and sister, what with the hellhole my house is. (hey, that's sort of an interesting alliteration...)

Saw Ratatouille with some friends earlier...it made me giddy. :D It really is a good (Disney) movie, you should go and see it. I'm in love with the food critic... he looked sort of Tim Burton-esque, and his office(?) was shaped like a coffin, which was a definite plus: In the original novel, The Phantom of the Opera, said Phantom (whose name is Erik, actually) sleeps in a coffin... now you see why I like the food critic? He made me giddy...I couldn't stop laughing, it's like I was high or something. Well, that might have been the Raspberry Mocha Frapp I had earlier (excellent, by the way), but I digress.

Hung out with my friend, Maya, my clone and cursed buddy (long story, I should explain it sometime, but I'm not in the mood). We talked about a bunch of stuff that we really didn't feel like talking about in the first place but we really needed to talk about (yes, that was supposed to confuse you), went to Starbucks for lunch, and walked around this shopping center (The Plaza). Being cursed, I bet her that we would see people we knew, and, sure enough, there was a pile up of assorted people we not only knew or recognized, but we were "cursed" with (again, I'll explain later. Just assume it's a bad thing, trust me.) Then she dropped me off back home, since I still don't have my license.

I also officially turned 17 and a half at 8:45 this evening. Happy half birthday to me...

That's about it. I was going to gush about how happy I was, but that bubble popped a while ago, courtesy of my poor excuse for a father.

...I really need to move out...

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"I'm a little more than useless"...right?

Song of the day: More Than Useless by Relient K

Blah. I feel like I've done nothing today. Probably because that's exactly what I did today: nothing.

I officially hate summer: the heat, the lack of friends to hang out with, the...nothingness. I mean, even though sleeping in until noon (or, in my case, 9:30) is nice, it does lose its charm after a while. So do the Tostitos and salsa I had for lunch today, as well as all the junk food I had yesterday during fireworks, not to mention the assorted deep fried artery-cloggers I've had from going to the fair twice...oh, boy...

And it's not like I can go anywhere...stranded at home with two younger siblings and without a license. Such is my life.

But enough about that. I'm sure you don't want to hear me complain endlessly about how much my life sucks. Even I get tired of that after a while.

Anyway, fireworks last night was fun. Like I said, we went after church, and after twenty minutes or so of driving around, dodging pedestrians and a potentially lethal four-way intersection (the traffic light was broken), we finally settled down in a Vons (Safeway) parking lot and watched the fireworks from the local high school.

It did leave me feeling somewhat depressed, however. Only five people from church came with me and my family, four of whom make up two of the cutest (married) couples I've ever seen, and two of them are not even two years older than I am. I mean, I know I shouldn't let something like that set me off to the fact that *whispers* I've never had a boyfriend and possibly never will, but it did. I'm actually a rather emotional person (as well as a hopeless romantic) but I don't usually show it as often anymore. So, when I do let my guard down, it often gets the best of me with a vengence. Eh. Whatever. That's what college is for, right?

In other news...my best friend recently moved to Arizona, and she finally emailed me (it took her a while to get the Internet set up). That was one of the high points of my day, actually, hearing from her. I'm used to seeing her at least once a week, so the whole moving deal was difficult for both of us. Not that I can even begin to describe how she feels...while I only lost one friend to the distance (and the sweltering heat! At 3:00 today, the temperature was recorded as 111 degrees F, as opposed to the 86 for me at the same time...) she had to leave behind everyone.

Anyway, I'm sort of looking forward to tomorrow: I'm hanging out with a friend for most of the day so we can complain about how cursed our lives are (literally...I'll explain tomorrow, that should be fun...) and then I'm going to see Ratatouille with some more friends later on in the evening. And somewhere in there, I'll have to pack for camp, which I am leaving for on Sunday and will be gone for two weeks...

Sorry my life is so boring.

warm regards,
dark-hearted rose

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An Idea...

I just had the coolest idea. After checking out this awesome blog: http://indeterminacy.blogspot.com/, I became inspired to create each blog entry as a story. As in, relate what happened to me each day, but in story format, complete with dialogue. Granted, it won't always be accurate, but that's what makes it fun, right?

Anyway, just an idea. I suppose I'll start tomorrow, then...I've got church soon, and then we're (being my family and some friends from church) all going to go watch fireworks.

until next time,
dark-hearted rose

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First Post!

Cool. So, I just randomly decided to get this after taking a peek at my friend's...excellent.

Anyway, allow me to introduce myself. I'm dark-hearted rose (you didn't really think I'd use my real name, would you? too many psychopaths...and no, it doesn't make a difference that I already know quite a lot of them...), an atypical seventeen-and-a-half year old (come this Friday, the 6th). I've just graduated high school (OH-SEVEN!!), and I plan on attending community college in the fall, because I am an A-Class loser who doesn't feel comfortable leaving home yet, no matter how much I wish that I could.

I love to write. I guess you could call it my passion, but I'm beginning to suspect that it is an obsession. In fact, you can check me out on both http://www.fanfiction.net/ and http://www.fictionpress.com/ under the penname (surprise!) dark-hearted rose. I also technically have a MySpace, but I think someone hacked into my account or something, because I can't log in anymore...but I digress.

Speaking of obsessions...I am what I have termed "completely, soul-consumingly obsessed" with all things Phantom of the Opera. Yes, you read that right...Phantom of the Opera. I love the story, and for some screwed-up reason, I think it would be incredibly sexy if some skeleton-man that "smells like death" came to take me away to his sewer kingdom beneath a monolith foriegn center of entertainment. (Now do you believe me when I call myself "atypical"?) Anyway, as a result, (and a future warning) you will most likely find that I at least allude to the subject matter at least once every day. Yay me.


Anyway, I'm sort of new at this whole blogging/online diary thing, so bear with me. Almost all of my entries will be incredibly vague--as I don't share personal things easily, even with the best of friends--and I warn you that I will indefinitely rant either about guys or how much "my life sucks" because, hey...I'm still a teenager. :)

So that's basically it for now...Happy Independence Day! ...Even though I like British people more than Americans, but, again, I digress. ;P

warm regards,
dark-hearted rose

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