Backpacking

Sweet! Just got back from a final "pack check" for my group...I'm heading up (back) into the East Sierra Nevada come this Saturday, the 4th of August. I'm so excited! This is my second trip up there, and I'm really glad that I'm returning. The lakes and the mountains are so pretty... *happy, contented sigh* I'm thinking that this trip'll be just the thing I need to help me edge away more effectively from my campsickness...at least, that's what worked last year, so I'm banking on it again. I just hope that I don't slide down a tweny-foot rock face this time, that sucked a little bit...my mom said she thought I was gonna die. ^^V

Saw two of my camp buddies on Wednesday...we went out to lunch, and I got to ride in a 2006 Ford Mustang... I can't believe she drives that! *jealous* Anyway, we got to talking a little bit about our respective troubles with certain members of the opposite sex, and she made me promise to email Sean (once I get his email address from someone...I'm not a stalker, I swear...). Honestly, though, I really don't know what, if anything, will come from it. I want to just leave it alone, but getting back in contact with someone never hurt anybody, right?

Anyway, I've got to go eat something, I'm starving...I didn't eat breakfast, minus a few tortilla chips, a granola bar, and some Nutella...nutritious, I know...

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I am Lord...Moldy Shorts?

And now, a small smattering of slightly-ludicrous pictures featuring our dear and mutual friend, the one and only, Lord Voldemort. (courtesy of Zatarra)

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"Nucular Bombs"

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"Tom Riddler"

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"I'll Never Let You Go, Tom!"

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The (Eerily Accurate) Definition of Myself

Something I found amusing... (thanks to Skoteinos Metamfiezomai):

Wikipedia's Definition of a 'Phantom Phan'

"A cult following has evolved around the story, with members calling themselves Phantom Phans. The most obsessive are those enthralled with Erik, but members can be fans of any of the characters. The most common way to spot one of these people is the way they manage to relate their everyday behavior to the story in some way, comparing their current life situation to some aspect of the story, or weaving their favorite character into the topic. Phans have been known to attend film showings in full costume -- though they hardly need that reason to don their capes and masks in public. And they often stop in their tracks at sight of masks, elaborate chandeliers, a new cover to the book, or even pipe organs. They may sing along if a Phantom-related song comes on over the speakers in a store or elevator. At least one Phan became so infatuated with the story that she legally changed her name to Christine Daaé. One website held a year-long competition as to who was the "Official Phantom Phan". The winner has kept that title as of 2006. Websites contain long lists of favored traits of the Phans themselves, Psychological/Medical breakdowns of the characters, comparisons of the book, play, and films, and news about the actors, along with copious fan fiction ("phan-phictions"). Some "phictions" are alternate versions of the same story, and some simply use the setting and characters from The Phantom of the Opera as a launching station for their own storylines. Online Phantom forums have also blossomed over the internet connecting generations of "Phans." The growing number of Phans of The Phantom suggests that these are people who already were inclined to devote themselves to the arts, and many express great interest in other works focusing Gothic romanticism, the forgotten genius, or the damsel in macabre distress."

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Disillusionment, Harry Potter, and Campsickness

Yay. I'm back.

Well, not really a "yay". I mean, it was awesome to get my grubby little hands on the new Harry Potter book (which is EXCELLENT, Snape is my hero)--not to mention taking an actual shower and sleeping in my own bed--but as is always the case with camp... I don't ever want to leave.

It sucks, this campsickness, it really does. I mean, with homesickness, you know you'll have to return eventually, that you will see the same people you always do once you return. However, the same does not hold true with camp. You can never be sure of when (or if) you'll be able to come back, or who you'll see again. Much like high school, I suppose, but I don't want to get started about that.

Also, things are looking a little better for my nonexistent love life in the idea that I think I am beginning to (God, I hate this phrase) "get over" Sean, who I chatted about last time, I believe. I'm not quite sure what happened, but I think my feelings are starting to relinquish their hold...not that I didn't think about him when I was away, of course I did. Especially when some of the other girls all started talking about their boyfriends...I generally like to steer clear of that sort of talk, and with good reason: I tend to be extremely bitter.

Anyway, here's a poem I wrote while I was at camp, dedicated to all my little buddies:

"Bunkmates"

Mixed up, inside out.

Not exactly sure what to

Think, feel, say.

I never want this dream to

End, this step back up and

Away from "reality", from

"Real" life. Verses slipping

From my cynical tongue,

Emotions rolling from my

Unfeeling fingers...

The first time I've written

In quite a long time. Tears

Streaming unchecked--not

Exactly composed, but it

Works--and I have

No other way to express how

I feel excepting the tight

Embrace, the watery glance,

The calls goodbye. And yet,

As we fly our separate ways

Over lands we've traveled

Together so many times in

Out two weeks that have felt

Like heaven, like complete, blissful

Eternity, I realize that though we

Might be separated, it is never quite

Goodbye.

© dark-hearted rose, 2007. All rights reserved. May not be duplicated without the express permission of author.

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YAY! CAMP!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Camp is great,
Camp is good...
Just don't let me choke
On the camp's crappy food.

- me, improvising.

SEE YA!

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Second Chances and the John Mayer Complex

So, I hate John Mayer. It's nothing personal, I don't know the guy...it's like I'm just genetically predisposed to hate him. But, my philosophy is, all true musicians deserve a chance, and he obviously is a rather good musician, since he can play some amazing guitar...

The problem: I HATE the song "Wonderland" or whatever the hell it is...you know the one I'm talking about. Anyway, to quasi-quote my friend Courtney: "Any guy who sings with an acoustic guitar is only out to get girls." Hahaha...

I keep telling my cousin, Wesley (the ultimate John Mayer fangirl, by the way...yeah, he's a guy, so what? I can call him a fangirl if I want to) that I'll give the guy's music a second chance but I don't know if I want to, really. I don't know if it's worth the effort of shattering several years of expectations and anti-John-Mayer-ism.

Which leads me (sort of) to my next topic... Yesterday, you know I said that Maya and I talked about stuff that we both really didn't feel like talking about yet? One of those things for me involves a guy named Sean...

You see, even though I'm now a high school graduate, the whole situation remains somewhat surreal. I want to move on, but at the same time, I don't want to let go of my past. I know that I won't have to actually "forget" anything (though some things are much, much better left forgotten), but when I say "let go", I mean, well...literally.

I've known this guy, Sean, for well over four years now, but only as a really good friend, nothing more. But then, everything just sort of...happened...at Grad Nite. I mean, of all freaking times to realize that I have feelings for the guy, WHY must it happen the night of our graduation? WHY did I suddenly have to find out that resting my head on his shoulder while sitting on the cold, hardwood floor of our lovely high school gymnasium at four o'clock in the morning is quite possibly the most comfortable I've ever felt with anyone of the opposite sex at any time in my life? And WHY must his hair be so damn soft? (<-- yeah, don't ask) Thus, you now understand why my life (and Maya's, as she is basically going through a number of the same things I am) is officially and irrevocably CURSED.

I guess over the whole week of graduation festivities had been building a case for him (I hung out with him a lot more than usual during those days), but I didn't quite realize it until it was too late. Well, in retrospect...perhaps the last two months of school would be a much better estimate. But, at the time, this awareness, this realization of him...it seemed very sudden. It made me feel, dare I say, giddy. Of course, that might have been the fact that it was Grad Nite, and I'd stayed up all night, but honestly, I haven't felt that way about a guy in quite a long time, so back off.

And, of course, due to the fact that I am and A-class loser and generally a self-preserving twice-bitten-always-shy kinda gal when it comes to confessing things to the opposite sex...he doesn't know anything. I haven't even seen him once this summer since Grad Nite.

I guess you could say that I'm sort of depressed about that.

The sole redeeming factor in this whole "unrequitted, too-late-realized attraction" situation: he's staying local. I mean, he's not living at home or anything like that (like I am...) he's actually moving onto a campus, but at least he'll still be in the general vicinity...perhaps a thirty minute drive from my house, given the butt-load of traffic that usually occupies the freeways nowadays. But I'm not sure if I want to...you know, tell him. I'm not sure if I want to risk our friendship like that, all the more fragile because we won't be seeing each other Monday through Friday at school anymore. Emails, phone calls, the occasional lunch outing...but other than that, nothing really. That is, if we stay friends. Just friends. But I am so unsure of myself, whether or not I actually want to persue a relationship with him, and that kills me. Just like it always does.

I guess I just have to think about it more. But I definitely know one thing: I have to see him again over the summer. More than once would be preferred, but, as the saying goes, "Beggars can't be choosers."

You know, I'm going to a wedding in, like, two hours. I hate weddings. Now, I'll hate this one even more...well, you know what I'm going to be thinking/sulking about all evening.

And I still haven't packed for camp. I guess I should go do that...

*glares at Andrea Bocelli cd I just got from the library, entitled AMOR*
*massive headdesk*

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