This Week is One of the Longest of My Life

...But this song is beautiful. It's called "Battlestar Sonatica", from the newest version of the TV show, Battlestar Galactica. I don't watch the show, but Matt gave me a few of the songs from the soundtracks of the various seasons to listen to, and this has to be one of my ultimate favorites. It's such a peaceful, beautiful piano solo; I de-stress and fall asleep to this one a lot. I want to find sheet music for it, mmm.

I have no idea why this week is going so slowly. It could be because I've been anticipating tomorrow for a long time now; I'm also hanging out with Maya on Friday, and the Switchfoot Bro-Am is on Saturday. Lots to anticipate/look forward to. It's driving me crazy. Hence the de-stressing music. That, and I've been a lot more agitated and annoyed lately, it's getting to be a chore. -_-

As the clock ticks nearer to Wednesday, the more apprehension I feel. I actually feel physically sick, thinking about it right now. Music or no music.

I don't even really know what I'm expecting. I don't really know what will happen, or how I will feel about anything. It's so unpredictable, and I hate it. I wish it were over already, good god. This speculation and hype and the various scenarios playing out in my head are murdering me. I'm afraid of building it up in my head, only to be sadly disappointed. Scratch that. I already know I'll be disappointed, but I hate the part of me that begs to differ. I want it to shut up, but it won't. I haven't even decided if I'm going to talk to him at all, or what I'm going to say. And then what if I've decided, but it doesn't happen? This is quite possibly the last time, ever. A part of me is incredibly relieved about that, believe me. The other part? Not so much.

I wrote a poem last night. It was really intense, and I don't think I'll ever let anyone read it, if they know who I am. Maybe anonymously, but it makes me blush a little, just thinking about it. Perhaps if you ask me really nicely or pester me til I give in. Yeah. Maybe. I just don't want to be judged, you know? The human experience is everything, including not-so-nice thoughts, the thoughts you're expected to keep to yourself. Which opens it up for me to talk about the other thing I mentioned a few posts back, but I'm going to shy away from that right now. One hurdle at a time, I think. I can only take so much.

Sorry if that was incredibly vague or confusing. I just really needed to get all that out.

Moving on to another topic, I have new pictures. Jessica tried on this black dress she's probably going to wear tomorrow, and she joked about taking pictures, so this impromptu photoshoot commenced in our front yard. All twenty or so pictures can be viewed here, should you like to look at them.

Anyway, that's about it for now. Have a good day tomorrow. I know I'll be trying.