Exhausted

No entry yesterday, I didn't really even go on the computer at all. Morgan was over for several hours, it was quite glorious; we watched that movie, "Batman Begins" for the first time yesterday... honestly, not bad at all for a comic book movie. The best one I've seen yet, really, and I'm not really into the superhero scene.

Anyway, I'm SO tired; I went up to camp to help out at an encampment, and ended up singing for 4 hours. It's a wonder I still have a voice, really.

A bit angsty because of the winter formal that's going on at the high school right now (memories and futile dreams, how you plague me), but I'm trying not to think about it so much right now. It's easier now that Jessica's actually left for it, I was really bitchy earlier, partly because she was going to borrow maybe my favorite formal dress ever (a floor-length, flowy dark blue dress, it's gorgeous). But she ended up wearing something else at the last minute, so I guess it's all good.

I don't know what it is, really, but I just keep having this bad feeling that I'm going to hear something about Nick later, like he was at the dance with someone or something. A part of me refuses even to contemplate it, rejects it as absurd and just goes on sighing, but is it really so absurd? And it's frightening, because even at the mere half-formed thought I fear I'm terribly jealous. I think it might have something to do with my most recent dream featuring him that I can remember (there have probably been more, but this is the one that really stood out to me). The dream itself was simple enough--I went with him to his prom--but it was by far the most realistic-feeling of the bunch. And just the thought of him being with someone else honestly turns my stomach. I know it's wrong to be thinking like this, I'm not even remotely entitled to be feeling like this, I have no claim, and yet at the same time, I don't think there's any other possible way for me to react to that sort of news.

To make the apprehension of the hour even worse? Maya told me that an old attraction of hers (also named Nick, also formerly in orch with her) is now dating someone. Sign? Gods, I hope not.