Tired.

My eyes feel like they are bruised and have permanent bags under them. No, I'm not going to check in a mirror to see if this feeling is accurate.

Yesterday was rough for the reasons that I was super tired and have bad luck. And the fact that it was Monday, and my schedule on Mondays just plain sucks. I also came to the stunning realization that I freak out if I don't have my phone on me (I left it at home, which did nothing for me but make me even more miserable and on edge), which I think is somewhat pathetic. I should probably fix this, but I don't really I want to.

It was just one of those days that makes me want to live in my room and sleep all day instead of dealing with life. I even skipped my first two classes (the first one because I was late getting to school, the second just because). It reminded me of one day last February where I sat in the library at Miramar and read Cut and then walked around outside in the cold and came close to crying until it was time to go home instead of going to my classes. (I also remember that after I got home, I went for a long walk in my neighborhood listening to a few songs on continuous loop on my iPod, and did, in fact, cry a lot for no reason. But luckily, that didn't happen yesterday, though I did come very close on a few occasions in the computer lab.)

And it wasn't even overcast yesterday, like it was on that day last year. It was sunny, and way too hot for February.

I guess the point of my writing all of this is that I'm just sick of feeling so sad and hopeless on some days that I literally don't know what to do with myself. Sure, it goes away eventually, but then what? What happens the next time? And the next? I have little to no control over it, and I don't want it to happen again, but it just seems inevitable, which I hate. A lot.

I'm just... so tired. Of everything. It feels like I'm unraveling, fraying at the edges. Like I'm walking on this tightrope, but every other step I'm in serious danger of just falling off altogether.

And it's days like this that make me want to give up, to just jump off the tightrope and hope there's a safety net waiting beneath me, but at the same time I know that I can't. Because that's taking the easy way out, and nothing truly good ever came from taking the easy way.

At least, that's what I told Jessica last week. And it doesn't hurt to abide by my own advice.