"Strange things occur on Mondays"

Never have I said something so true. Well, haha, I don't know about that. And, to be fair, it was in hindsight.

So. Today. Just an average Monday; well, actually, that's a lie. I slept in too much, and I wasn't prepared for my chem class so I think I bombed the quiz. Not really an auspicious start. And I was supposed to have an appointment with the eye doctor since I haven't been in almost 5 years, but that got cancelled. Luckily. Why 'luckily'? Because I totally got to see Nick this afternoon. And not only see him; we had a 20 minute conversation. In front of my house.

Okay, so my sister Jessica (bless her) got a ride home from an orchestra rehearsal from him. And me being a devious, plotting female, I planned on going outside to play my guitar for a bit, until she got home so I could see him. And I got sunburnt, waiting. But it was totally worth it, I swear.

I had only expected to see him from where I was sitting, but Jessica came up to me after she got out of his truck and was like, "He wants to talk to you." Mmm, so sweet when things pay off like that.

I got the big, looming questions out of the way first, things like how he was doing on his senior project, what schools he got accepted to, etc. I was so surprised by how the conversation seemed to flow so easily; it seemed so natural, just talking to him like that. You have no idea how satisfying that is.

So yes... and I think I'm finally going to tell him on Wednesday at the orch concert. If not, then possibly Thursday, at the band concert. But I need to do it this week. Because if I don't, I won't ever get another chance. And with a Humanities midterm also on Wednesday that's worth a HUGE percentage of my grade.... oii. Stressful week. But, and it's weird for me to be saying this, I'm trying to be optimistic about it. In fact, I haven't really felt truly angsty since last Monday.

...Yeah. Definitely weird.

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"Desired Habit"?

Nothing much going on today; saw Matt for a bit, because he came to pick up his copy of season two of Buffy that I was borrowing, so that was nice. And for the past hour or so I've been engaged in all manner of philosophical/intelligent discussions via Instant Messenger. My mind's being pulled in all sorts of directions right now, so I guess I'm just writing this out of desired habit, if that makes sense. I think I just made up a term.

Anyway, hopefully I'll have more to talk about tomorrow. 'Night, friends.

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Infinite

Sorry about missing a post last night, I didn't get home until after 1. But what a night! I got to hang out with Katelin and a few of my high school buddies, including the lovely Zatarra. Honestly, I love her. <3 Yeah, we went bowling at the local lanes, had a really fun time. Then we went and saw a movie, 21--that new one with Jim Sturgess, who is teh schmex! *swoon* But yeah, pretty good movie.

Afterwards, as Katelin was driving us home was one of the most amazing drives ever; it was after one in the morning, and no one was on the road, and we had the windows down and were blasting music, when "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot came on. So, being the awesome person I am, I stuck my head clean out of the window and shouted the opening lyrics... mmm... amazing. I've rarely felt so free.

Til tomorrow, then. =)

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Phantom Love

Yay, today was great. I think I might have failed my psych test because I didn't study nearly as much as I should have, but hopefully not.

I'm kind of tired and just a smidge depressed because an email from a certain person isn't in my inbox, but I have other, more pressing news:

I FRIGGEN HAVE PHANTOM TICKETS! I HAVE PHANTOM TICKETS!!!!! *dies*

Mmm.... soooooo excited. They came in the mail today; I need to round up the 20 or so people who expressed interest. ^^

Anywho, I think I'll go to bed now, even though Anderson Cooper is on Jay Leno tonight... I freaking love him.

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Freaking. Sweet.

Yeah! Things are like, friggen amazing. Today was boring, but I drove on the freeway a grand total of 5 times. It's addicting to be going so fast, I had no idea....

AND! I get to see Maya again tomorrow! AND! I acted on impulse last night and tried resuming email dialogue with Nick... and he replied! Hopefully we'll be able to keep this going. I seriously wanted to squee so loud when I came home from church and opened my inbox, but if I had my sister would have given me an extremely strange look, and my mom was on some tirade or whatever, so I didn't want to get in trouble... it's hard to hold a squee in, but it's definitely possible. I think only a few squeaks escaped me. Bahaha.

I'm so wired right now, but I have a psych test tomorrow, so I should get some rest... hopefully I won't have another really odd and random dream like I did last night; so bad, I'm not even going to share it on here. Maybe if you ask nicely. Maybe.

Til tomorrow, then! Hyperness! Exclamation points!

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Facebook is officially the best friggen thing ever.

Seriously, I've never been so amused in my life by Facebook. And if you're reading this and you don't get it.... don't even worry about it. I don't either. ^^

Oh! I also wrote the most peppy email of my entire existence about 10 minutes ago to Nick. It was gloriously peppy, and almost disgustingly so. I still can't believe I wrote that thing. Geez.

I daresay today was a total 180, at least as far as my mood's concerned. And to top it all off, my cousin Alannah, her husband Tom, and their beautiful one year old girl made a surprise visit at my house today, so I got to hang out with them for the afternoon. Friggen sweet.

Hopefully tomorrow goes just as good. =D

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Go ahead, please kill me now.

Good god, I feel kind of sick. Like, physically sick and fatigued right now. I don't know why. My stomache hurts, but it's not quite like stomache-stomache... I don't know how to describe it.

And I miss him. I miss him, and it hurts. Don't get me wrong, of course I was happy--albeit very anxious before and for a bit during--to see him, but it's like getting salt poured onto an old wound that's been ripped open again. Before Saturday, of course I missed him and wanted to see him; but not as much as I do right now. I think that hug just made it worse. I'm feeling close to desperate, and I don't really like that. And do you even have any idea how difficult it is to concentrate when certain thoughts keep bombarding your mind?

Argh. And I was having such a good day, too. Frak it all, this sucks ass.

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I'm lacking creativity to think of a cool title.

Mmm. I don't know what it is about babies, but they are freaking amazing. I was holding the cutest little boy at church, Peyton, and he fell asleep on me after I fed him from his bottle for a little while; he's only 3 months old, and friggen cute to boot. It's just so calming, and it gives me this sort of warm-fuzzy feeling that I'm still basking in right now. And all the way home from church I was just thinking about that hug from last night.... *sigh* So yeah. Definitely high on the warm-fuzzies right now.

Not much happened on this most-beautiful Easter day. I ended up going to bed around 1:30 because I was uploading concert pictures on Stalkerbook, so I was really tired when I got up, but other than that it was a pretty good day. We had a mini jam session--we being my cousin Sarah, my sister, and I--in order to practice for this surprise we're pulling off for my grandparent's 50th anniversary. Then we had dinner, and it was off to church again.

I'm kind of iffy about going back to class tomorrow, but I do get to hang out with Maya afterwards, so that should be awesome.

Anyway, til tomorrow, then.

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*sigh* Close to the best weekend friggen ever.

Yeah, I know that the weekend isn't over yet. And I know that I start school again after Sunday. But... screw it all. Friday counts as part of the weekend, right?

I missed my last blog post because I came home from the concert after midnight, so, sorry about that. So, I'll talk about that first and give Maya a chance to ask how today went. ^^

How can I even describe the awesomeness of a concert? I miss that vibe, even though I almost did get sucked into a mosh pit like twice, and some girl punched me in the arm, and I heard a ringing in my ear for the rest of the night and for most of today (haha, it's back now...). You can check out pictures here. They're backwards of the order I took them, because Photobucket just works that way.

Mmmm. So. Today.

Well, I started out hanging out with Diane and Amy, that was fun. We were at Amy's house, then went out to get lunch and went to Home Depot because Diane needed to get a key copied for her dad. After that, we went back to Amy's house and watched more stuff on youtube (god, I love that site), and then it was time for us to leave again, to go over to Gumby's house. Now, guess who lives next door to Gumby? Well, knowing me to be cursed, I'm sure you can make an intelligent guess, but I'll tell you anyway: Nick. So, he was there, of course. And, as you can imagine, I was freaking out beforehand, especially on the ride there. It was really weird to be experiencing that butterflies-that-almost-make-you-sick-to-your-stomach feeling when we weren't heading towards the school, but actually in the direction of my own house... Heh.

When we got there, it was definitely awkward for me, of course. He said hi, and I said hi back, then kind of brushed past him... I think I was trying to avoid him for a while there, trying to just let my mind catch up to where I was. After that finally happened (which was over dinner) we sat down to play a card game called Munchkin (based off the premise of Dungeons and Dragons) for a few hours, since that was the point of the party. During that time (the whole of which I was sitting next to him, might I add) I finally managed to relax and just have fun, and that was really nice. Of course I was still aware of him and still rather self-conscious, but it was definitely better than how we started out.

After that, we took a break and watched some random crap on youtube (again, I love that site), and after that we played Mafia for the sake of old times, and that went on until we had to leave at around 11, and most of it was in the dark to semi-dark, heheheh.

And then! When we were all outside, I said goodbye to Gumby and hugged him... and turned to Nick and did the same. Finally. Yes, that's right folks, I finally got my frakking hug.

...And I'm kind of wishing I didn't.

You know that thing about wanting something, and then once you finally get it, it grows old really fast? Well, I don't know if the last part applies, but I think you get the idea. I hugged him, and... well, I definitely liked it. And would like to be able to do so again. And again. And... well, I think it goes without saying.

Dammit. Why does he have to be so friggen huggable? Dammit. Dammit.

Well, I'll see him again soon, for yet another orch concert. I didn't really have an actual conversation with him, now that I think about it. I didn't ask him how his senior project was going, or what schools he got accepted to. Basically, all the things I want to know right now. And every day that passes is another day closer to June and to perhaps the last time I may ever see him. I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell him...

Dammit. I want another hug.

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Laughingstock, and some Musing

Today wasn't so bad in the boredom department. I actually did something, haha. I tried getting up earlier, and it seemed to work initially (I woke up around 8:30, actually) but somehow I ended up falling asleep again, and didn't get up until after 11. Oii. I need to start going to bed earlier so I can get back into the rhythm I had for school.

The wonderfully stimulating activities I partook of today involved biking over to my local Starbucks to meet up with one of my camp buddies, Smurfette. (A camp name, of course. Her real name's Anna. ^^) We ordered our drinks and went over to a corner table to sit down and talk. We ended up spending a little over 2 hours there, but it was great. I miss talking to her, I hadn't seen her since the CIT (Counselor-in- Training) reunion in December.

We got to talking about the drama-filled aspect of our boring lives, and this is where it gets kind of interesting. I don't even know what the heck was up, but this random lady was standing at the booth with all the milk and the sugar and whatever (our table was right next to it) and I guess she overheard our conversation. The kicker, though, was that she deliberately started doing things slower to have an excuse to listen in, and get this: she started laughing. I mean, what the hell? We were more amused than anything else, but honestly, how rude. Maybe she was so overwhelmed with how pathetic our two lives are that she just couldn't help herself. My mom, meanwhile, is convinced she was some sort of writer hunting for inspiration.

Pah. I hope you found it, dork-face.

Seriously, though; is my life that funny? Perhaps. I certainly don't think so (I was telling her about all the lovely Nick-involved drama from last year).

Speaking of which: it may distinguish me as belonging to the highest rung of Loserdom, but today marks 3 months since I've actually talked to him. Why am I keeping track, you may ask? I'm not, I swear. I just realize these things as they come. But now that I do realize it, you can imagine how frustrating it is. Or perhaps not. But it is frustrating, if you want to take my word for it. *sigh*

Anyway, good news for tomorrow: my first concert in ages! Maybe I'll get sucked into a mosh pit. Not that I know how it's possible to even begin to think of moshing to The Rocket Summer, but you never know. Kids are creative these days. o_~

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I before E except after C

I figure I have time right now, so I guess I'll start on this. What I wanted to talk about yesterday was something I had been thinking about for a lot of the day. I guess it was triggered after I had read Maya's last Xanga post from the night before and asked her about it, because she said she didn't rant as much or as often as she used to. Well, she said I was the exception, being her clone and everything; in her words, "it's a good thing, it means you aren't a moron". ^_^

But, anyway, the whole thing with exceptions first came up when I was talking one night last week to someone (no names mentioned here, it's kind of private), and it came up that out of all the girls he happened to be IMing right then that night, I was the only one he hadn't at least made out with. I told him I thought it was amusing, but I mean, how am I supposed to handle that? Am I supposed to be flattered? I guess. But, I don't know. It's just all very confusing for me. I mean, why is that the case? And I know it's probably silly for me to even be thinking about it so intensely like this, but it just bugs me. I mean, why is that the case, that I'm the exception with him? I'm so glad he respects me enough to not do that, and that he trusts me enough to even talk to me about it, don't get me wrong. It's just.... I dunno. It's difficult to explain. Do other guys see me like that? As the exception?

So, I guess the whole deal with exceptions can go both ways. Exceptions can be good things, or bad things. Or, they can be in the middle ground and just be confusing as hell.

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Writer's Block at Bay, woo!

That's right folks. At least, for now, anyway. I managed to coax my muses out of hiding in order to finish a chapter of a Phantom of the Opera fanfiction I've been working on for a while... a year, if you can believe it. Yeah, I know. I have no life, so I screw with the lives of the characters. No, but seriously, I love them. <3

Yeah, I know this blog entry sucks, but I'm running out of time before it becomes tomorrow. Maybe I'll get to what I really wanted to write about then.

'Night, friends.

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I love vacation

...because I just got up at one in the afternoon. And everyone who says something like I've just wasted half of my day; well, you're just jealous. =D

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So, I don't know what to write...

Yeah. Keeping a daily blog is tricky when you have no life. I think the high points of today were me driving on the quasi-freeway (twice! eep!) and sitting outside of a grocery store strumming my guitar for 2 hours (my fingers still hurt. hmph).

Bahaha. My friend just sent me the awesomest thing.

Oh, and then there's this...

Which is but a mere cropped version of this beauty.

......See what I mean by having no life? Anyway, I just hope Spring Break goes better then that. Then again, Matt was planning out my days and assigning which episodes of Buffy Season 3 I should watch...

Yes, I'm a dork. And proud of it, too. <3

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Ides of March!

"Beware the Ides of March!" Eh, not really fitting for today, not including the fact that I was out of my house a little after 6 this morning. But aside from not getting to sleep in until the sun was actually up, the rest of the day was muy spiffy. Including seeing the sky get all light, which I don't get to see very often (and really usually not inclined to, seeing as I like sleep far too much to exert myself to get up that early).

Morgan and I had a mini adventure downtown first trying to find the place that was hosting the CPR class, and then waiting for it to start once we found it, then after that we drove down to Mission Bay to join some people from my church for a picnic-type-gathering. We played some guitar (I'm getting better at transitioning from chord to chord), and just hung out and ate some yummy food. Oh, and we had a bonfire in the middle of the day, too, haha.

Ugh. I dunno, the only bad parts of this day is that I have a sunburn already, and I drove earlier, but my dad was all snappish so now I'm still trying to shake the bad vibes. Maybe I should go listen to some music or something. *shrugs*

Anyway, til tomorrow, then.

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Hey, I'll find the circumference of that apple pi...

Happy Pi Day! I just wish I had some actual pie to munch on, like last year; my math teacher gave us all some. Beautiful...

Anyway, just sitting around waiting for Morgan to show up, so I figured I'd write this. I'm determined not to slack off this time, I swear.

I'm taking me not going to El Camino tonight surprisingly well; I was a little mopey earlier, but aside from that all's well. That might have to do with the fact that I'M ON SPRING BREAK NOW, WOOO, but hey, I'm not complaining.

In other news: I got new Converse! Finally. They are magically obnoxious plaid, and don't go with anything, but I wear them anyway. If I can get the digicam to work (it's selective about emptying the memory card onto the computer) I'll put pictures up. I'm afraid Felix and Felina (my old ratty Converse, how I love them so) are terribly jealous, though.

Woo, Morgan's here. Til tomorrow, then.

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The Day Before Friday

Man, I wish I didn't have chem lab tomorrow, or else I'd already be on spring break. Major suckage. And I haven't even done my prelabs yet. Bleh.

I almost didn't do this entry, til I reminded myself that I was going to try harder to make this work. Even if it is just a bunch of mindless drivel.

But yeah. Spring break! My first spring break of college, and I'm not doing anything. I'm not partying down in Mexico, not getting hammered so I don't remember what my name is... man, what kind of sad excuse for a college student am I, anyway? Well, even if there's no sex or drugs, there's definitely rock 'n roll: The Rocket Summer show next Friday! Morgan has an extra ticket. I'm so excited! I haven't been to a concert in forever. But apparently it'll be my last; the show's at Soma, and according to Morgan we're going to die there. I've never been to the venue myself, but I've heard some crazy things, so I'm inclined to believe her. Heh. What a way to go, though, leave the world to the happy-go-lucky sounds of The Rocket Summer. I love him, he always sounds so cheery.

In other news, tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow night is El Camino, a band and orchestra festival high schools go to in order to compete and get rated by judges and all that jazz. It's going to be really weird for me to not be on that school bus tomorrow, but luckily Morgan's coming over before we wake up ungodly early the next morning to get recertified in CPR. Yeah, that's right. I can save your life.

Don't mess. *flexes muscles*

Hopefully I'll have time to write tomorrow. If not, I either died of nostalgia or laughter from Morgan.

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Blog ADD! YEAH! ....heh.

I've got to stop dropping off the face of the earth like this. Though I was thinking about it earlier, and I don't think I'd mind moving to the moon once it becomes inhabitable. At least it won't be too crowded. Plus, as my Humanities professor keeps insisting, I really don't want to be a Chinese slave just yet. Maybe the moon will be the last stronghold of hippy humanity. We'll be barefoot in our space suits and smoke organic pot and wear tye-dye shirts that say 'Save the Moon!' instead of 'Save the Earth!'. Poor thing may be past redemption pretty soon, after all. Though I think it's cool that it's all very Firefly-esque, the whole Chinese-taking-over-the-world thing.

(If anyone just understood what I was going on about, then well-done.)

Anyway, like I tried saying in that last paragraph, I think it's kind of stupid of me that I don't have enough discipline to keep a daily journal or blog. I start, and everything is fine, then I just fade away til I decide to start up again. It's like some vicious cycle. Once again, I'm going to try and keep this up. At least then Amy will have some daily reading material (heehee, hi, Amy). No promises, though. And it might not even be a blog entry, perhaps just a poem or a one-liner or something. Though I doubt it will be anything in the creative writing department right now, since I seem to have lost my muses again.

Nothing new going on right now. I never did go to the doctor to see about that suspected mood disorder (which is called 'Seasonal Affective Disorder' or 'SAD', for any of you that are interested...it's actually quite fascinating, some of the things I was reading online.) but my mood is definitely improving now that the season's changing. I think the early Daylight Savings thing was a bit rough on me this week (I couldn't sleep Sunday night, for one thing, though I'm sort of convinced my superstitious self that it's not related to the time change, but something else), and I was grumpy and snappish today, but other then that I'm definitely feeling better. I'm also making more of an effort in not skipping my classes, no matter how pointless and stupid they are (*cough* Stats *cough*). I still don't know where to transfer to, or what I'm going to major in, but I feel a little better about that after talking with Daniel, this guy from my church. He pretty much said I should just take my time with the schooling, not to overwhelm myself, and I'd figure it out eventually. I wasn't too keen on the 'take your time' bit, seeing as I really want to get out of this house soon (my dad is driving me bonkers, and my little brother's not much better most of the time), but maybe once I get my license and a job and some money in the bank, I'll be able to room with someone or something. That should be fun, right?

I'm actually hoping to get my license before the school year is up; I'm a lot more confident in driving (even if I almost did hit another car yesterday, oii), and I think I'll be ready to take the test in May, or possibly as early as next month. Friggen excited.

In other news, since I wasn't able to take the World Religions class I've been wanting to take since last semester, I ransacked my school library's religious section, and wound up with a book on Paganism to launch my learning-by-reading career. It's actually quite good, and I'm learning a lot from it, not just about the practice and beliefs, but also about myself. It's interesting and refreshing to be exposed to different ways of thinking about the Divine and religion in general, and I recommend just spending some time in your local library and browse the section until something catches your eye. You might not agree with it in the end, but I think it's a mark of maturity to be able to learn about and discuss topics like religion objectively, and something more people need to learn how to do.

Hopefully next semester I'll be able to actually take the class; that, and philosophy. I don't know why, but I'm really into that sort of thing. History, too.

...Maybe I should major in one of those.

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