Cereal at 5:20pm? Only me...

Yum. Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

I am so unbelievably excited that there are only 5 more class days until the end of the semester. I just want this all to be over, so I can relax, and see all my friends coming home from university, and have a chance at a fresh start. I mean, even though it technically won't be a fresh start because my GPA will haunt me for the rest of my community college career, I plan to act like I'm starting fresh and clean. That means a whole new outlook on everything, too.

And not just about school.

I was talking to Matt (god I love that kid) via AIM last night and he brought up a good question, one that really caused me to stop in my tracks: is all of this worth it? Is all of my pain and angst really worth having a relationship with Nick like I want? Was I sure that the idealized picture I had in my head and the flesh and blood specimen who sometimes refused to poke me as is our bizarre custom--were they one and the same?

"It's complex," I told him.

"Love assuredly is," he said.

Indeed; I'm not afraid to call it love anymore. The whole irony about all of this is this has been one of the first times I consciously guarded against ever saying that I loved him, for I would be grown up and mature about it, never idealizing it, always keeping my feelings in perspective; I was "attracted" to him, or I "liked" him, but never "love". Now look where that's gotten me.

Anyway, Matt told me to think about it. And I will.

Well, this post turned out completely different from what I had originally intended; I think I'll just come back later and write another one. I do, however, want to answer indeterminancy's comment (who I didn't even know read this, how strange, yet so awesome): to be honest, I've never really thought about seriously starting a band. I've joked about it a couple of times, sure, but, never seriously considered it. And now you've gone and gotten me wondering....

Great suggestion, and thanks for your encouragement, I really appreciate it. =)