An Interlude

Lemme just talk about this past month for a sec.

You know how you can have the greatest day, but then all it takes to completely ruin it is a single moment?

March was filled with these moments.

Sure, there were good times. Excellent times, in fact. And much laughter, always laughter, what with the company I keep and the people that I talk to on a regular basis. Many good moments. Some great moments, even. But then every once in a while, a bad moment, or an awful moment, or a truly horrible moment will show up, and just negate all the good and set me back so much. And I'll fight it, and I'll scream at it, or I'll quietly give in to the numbness before I'm reminded that I'm strong. And I am. But that's for another time.

And there's been so much crying. It's pretty terrible. I mean, I've gotten past the point where I consider crying a weakness to be avoided at all costs (because I did think like that, once upon a time). I understand that it's healthy and a part of the healing process, etc etc etc. But really? This month has just been a superfluity of moments that make me cry and it's gotten to the point where I'm wondering if it all isn't a bit ridiculous. Isn't it? It must be.

But then I get to thinking about some of the things. Things like death, and loss, and violence, and fear, and horrible, horrible uncertainty. For the beginning of Spring, this month's been touched by too much death. But it's the uncertainty that gets to me most, I find. For example: I don't know if I'll be able to go to school here in Farmington next year. I'm proceeding as normal, but it's difficult sometimes. And there are so many other more pressing uncertainties.

And lastly, there's the ever-creeping tendrils of depression that will catch me in an off-moment and just suck me right down. But at least I know how to do a better job at combating it now.

Anyway. That's that. So, goodbye, March.

Another thing: I should have started outlining ages ago!! -frantic face-