I know I said "pretty well" but this is what I meant

I find myself feeling despondent, nostalgic, and otherwise unmotivated recently. As you can imagine, it sucks. I can't afford to feel like this right now, and I shouldn't, but... meh. Even my writing's suffering. I haven't written in earnest in a while. It feels like I'm atrophying, creatively, socially, intellectually. It's not a good feeling. Especially with an application and a creative portfolio due soon to the school I'm hoping to transfer to. I don't even know if I am going to. Then where does that leave me? Still here. I don't want to be here. There's just too much here, both amazing and awful. Too many memories and habits. Too many familiarities. I'm all for familiarity, but I'm getting bored and complacent and so, so tired. I want out.

I'm not about to delude myself into over-romaticizing leaving San Diego. I know whatever problems I have to deal with, whatever internal processes I have, those come with me. It's not a miraculous tabula rasa; those are over-rated anyway. But a change of scenery, a change of pace, new people... I don't know. Maybe I am over-romanticizing.

I feel stuck.

But change is scary. Yeah, I know that. It really, really is. Why affect the status quo when you're nicely settled, especially if you don't have to? Why, indeed. That's something else I'm struggling with right now, and sometimes it scares me to death. I have a hard time falling asleep because my brain keeps tossing around solutions and loopholes and caveats to a deceptively simple problem. Guh. I hate relationships, romantic and otherwise. At least, I do right now. People are so complicated. So much hangs on the line.

Ugh. Sorry about the ranty. I just needed to get that out somewhere. Here is a pretty picture for your trouble. :)