Some words, or something.

It's late. I'm tired. But I figured I'd better update this thing. A big apology to readers interested in hearing more about Forks: it will come. Soon. I promise.

Being back home... is indescribable. I've never been so homesick. And I never want to be again. It wasn't even that bad, to be honest. It just... sucked.

The one catch? So much stuff I need to catch up on. Seriously, why the heck does everything (near-literally, it's not a hyperbole at all) have to happen when I'm gone? This must be a conspiracy.

I feel strange. No, that does not have to do with the moldy iced tea I accidentally drank earlier. At least, I hope not. I feel like I've resolved something, and I feel happy, and sad, all at once. It might be the tired that is contributing to this strange array of feelings over different topics at the same time, but still.

Am I making sense? No? That's okay, I do that frequently.

The resolving is something still very personal, something I've been struggling to figure out for a while. (Remember when I was going to talk about something a couple months ago, but never brought it up? Yeah. That.) I'm not even sure at this point if it's completely over, or if this is something that can be described in those terms. I wish I could make more sense for you, dear readers, but alas, this is going to remain ambiguous. Who knows, though. It might pop up again, and I might be able to be more open about it then. For now, though, I'm satisfied with saying it's resolved.

Still not making sense? Then why are you still reading, if I might ask? ^_^

I'm happy, because two dear friends of mine unexpectedly and rather suddenly got together around 4th of July. It's cute. I love them both to death. Best wishes for you guys, wherever this crazy thing goes. =D

Ah, I see. Sticking around to see if it gets coherent, are we? Good choice. I think.

Lastly, and it's probably the petty, self-pity sad in the most ridiculous way, but the above news once again leads me to wonder if that will ever happen for me. You know? As brilliant as she was, I'm not sure I want to be like Jane Austen and be alone and write novels til I die. Alone.

Oii. I should probably go to bed. Or take this song off repeat. Or perhaps both.

On a better note, (and tying into the resolving bit, but this detail is all you're getting :P) I got to see my friend Kathryn today; she had to move out to Middle of Nowhere, Arizona after school ended last year. She used to be my best friend, but due to a bunch of stupid reasons for not staying in contact often enough on both our ends, that's now changed. Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing her again, even if it was only for church; I just don't really feel the connection we used to have. Not as much of it, anyway. And I would have liked to have spent the time together doing something awesome, like actually having a conversation over coffee or something instead of going to church, and maybe I shouldn't have insisted on driving, but honestly, how can I have an actual meaningful conversation with my dad, little sister, and grandma all in the car at one point? Yeah... no. I think Jessica talked to her more than I did. I just fail at this, don't I? Anyway, she's hoping to come out again towards the end of the month to accompany me and the lucky group of friends to Phantom, like she promised me over a year ago. Then again, she also swore she'd move back out here, but has that happened? Nope.

Wow, I didn't mean for that to be so bitter. I really am happy I got to see her, even if it doesn't seem like it. I was giddy when I got her phone call last night after my flight landed.

On a completely random tanget, yet related note in my mind, I think I fail at grasping opportunities. I also think I fall in love with ideals, and not reality.

I'm hopeless, aren't I.