"Pain"

Inspired out of my creative lethargy by the latest and last installment of Dr. Horrible, as well as the lovely shorts Edge has been kind enough to post recently, here's a little something I wrote tonight. I also figure if I'm going to focus on getting a career with this, I'd better get started on writing more originals instead of fanfiction...

Anyway, if you'd be kind enough to drop a comment on what you think, that would be much, much appreciated. =)

"Pain"

Pain.

That was my thought, the over-arching theme of the moment. I moved, breathed.

Pain.

It was everywhere, all-encompassing. No escape. I smiled.

Pain.

Like the drumming of my heart, it was there, constant. I looked to the monument, the gleaming marble blemished now, marred with the red of what I strongly suspected was my own life’s blood. There wasn’t much time.

Pain.

“Tanya?” a voice rasped, close to me. “Tanya, where are you?”

I was riveted by that voice, the sweetest sound to be heard, here, amidst the gunfire, the screaming. I shuddered.

Pain.

“I’m here, Benjamin. I’m right here,” I called, hoping he would hear me, hear my voice as I heard his.

“Tanya? Gods, Tanya, I thought I lost you...” I felt a hand touch mine. His hand.

“Benjamin, I...” A scream from nearby drowned out my words. Another one fallen, lost. I felt sick.

“Don’t move.” He was suddenly there, right in front of me. His face swam in and out of focus as my eyes clouded with tears. I took a shuddering gasp of air, coughing. Warm liquid dribbled at the edges of my mouth, down my cheek.

Pain.

“I’m going to die, Benjamin,” I whispered. “I’m going to die...”

“No, no, you’re not.” He was tearing at his uniform now, tearing the dirty fabric into strips, bandages. “You’re not. I won’t let you.”

I wanted to close my eyes, but time was precious, and I couldn’t afford to. I looked at him helplessly as he worked, his hands shaking, face streaked with sweat and dirt and blood.

“Benjamin, leave it,” I gasped, as he pulled the knot of a bandage around my torso tight.

Pain.

He continued tearing at his clothes, his shaking hands now covered in blood, mine.

“Benjamin... stop. Please.” With effort, I extended my hand to him, touched him lightly.

“No!” he screamed, but his voice sounded faint to me, muffled. “No, dammit, no! I can’t! Tanya...” Tears forged new paths down his cheeks, exposing the sun-kissed skin I knew to be hiding behind the grime and gore.

“At least... at least I’m going for... for something I believe in. Right?” I coughed, more blood escaping from my lungs. “Do you... do you remember, when we were... younger... talking about... our lives? Our... our futures? How we... how we wanted... to... to make a difference?”

He nodded, wiping at my lips with the scrap of uniform he held tightly in his fist, eyes glassy with tears. How I wished I could lose myself in those eyes, one more time...

Pain.

But it was pain of a different nature this time, one not belonging to the realm of the physical, but that of the emotional, the spiritual. I’d never see this man again, never tell him what I thought of him, how I adored the way his chestnut hair fluttered in his face with each gust of breeze, the way his green eyes twinkled when he laughed. I would never tell him that I couldn’t live without him, that I had run off with the sole intention of finding him in the rebel forces, that I didn’t give a lick about what we were fighting for at all. I was with him, and that made me happy. I wasn’t fighting for the cause... I was fighting for him. He was the cause I believed in, the reason my blood had been shed at another’s hand. I would die for him.

And I couldn’t have been more content with that.

“Benjamin, I...” I fought to get the words out, the last thing I would say to him. I could feel me fading, each moment precious.

“What is it, Tanya?” His hands had gripped mine. I could see his face floating in front of me, so close, yet so far...

“I love you.”

The noise stilled in my ears. I saw him clearly, felt his hands in mine, the gentle waft of his breath in my face. It wouldn’t be long now.

“I know, Tanya,” I heard him choke out. “I know.”

My breathing slows, and I close my eyes. I feel my lips form a smile. Darkness encroaches, slowly.

There is no pain.