One writer's attempts to come to terms with real life.
I am so wide awake it's not even funny. Must be the techno I'm now listening to. ^_^
So, guess what? I'M GOING TO ALASKA. It's all booked and everything. Oh, man, it's going to be so sweet! I'm so pumped for summer!
And this weekend; Maya's flying down for Morgan's birthday party, and we're hanging out with Matt on Friday; it's the weekend of epic proportions! With a techno soundtrack!
No onomatopoeia can possibly convey the overwhelming joy within me. =D
Better mood today. That, and I'm almost positive we're going on a cruise to Alaska this summer! I'm excited. I think this is just what I need. Plus, you never know who you'll meet on a cruise. o_~
Anyway, this wonderful song by Relient K (off of their most recent release, "Five Score and Seven Years Ago") pretty much sums up my attitude right now, and I highly recommend the listen. =D
Peace out, kids! <3
Isn't that funny? I say I didn't have a dream about him, and last night I do.
Such is my life. I want it to be summer already, dammit.
Yeah. Suckage.
And it's weird, because my immune system is usually great. I rarely get sick, yet this is the second time in four months. And it's spring for godssakes! What the f*ck?
Maya says it's because I'm going through a lot of stress. Isn't that the truth... Argh. This sucks so much. And I've been having headaches this week, too. Plus a string of weird dreams. Luckily no appearance of him, or else I'd be in the mental bin right now.
This is getting to be really overwhelming.
And you know what? I don't care.
Also? I hate people. And a lot of things. Like knowing when prom is this year. High school, please, please, please, PLEASE leave me alone. Please. I'm begging here.
And I don't beg.
So I've skipped the past couple of days. At one point I forgot, and then yesterday I just wasn't feeling it... kinda down for a number of reasons.
I dunno, it's just hard to write everyday when you're not an especially interesting person. I'm still going to try, though. I might skip days now, but I'm still going to try.
Peace.
So I realized a few hours ago while sitting in my school library that I didn't post last night. It kind of made me jump a little. But that's okay. Jumping's good for you, sometimes.
This afternoon, I was discovering for the first time the beauty of Death Cab for Cutie's most recent release, Plans. I know it came out in '05, but I've just now gotten my hands on the whole thing. Even if you've never listened to them before, I highly recommend going out and finding this album, Death Cab's debut on a major label (I forget which one). Despite the label change, it's still pure, honest, intelligent Indie rock/pop. It's glorious.
Anyway, I was just listening to the album, and this song popped up called "Someday You Will Be Loved". It really resonated with me, so I'm going to post the lyrics:
I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved
I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved
This song just gave me a lot of hope in what I'm dealing with right now, and I feel better about picking up and moving on. Because it's true, what the lyrics say. Broken hearts mend--it takes a while, of course, but they do--and someday, whenever that happens to be, I'll finally get it right. And, if it hasn't happened already, I know it'll happen for you, too.
Once again, music rescues me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLr2F7SSfT8
And so does this picture:
http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/communism_its_a_party.jpg
Enjoy.
Don't ever, ever try and research things on YouTube. You WILL get distracted. Possibly for hours. It's not a matter of 'if', but of 'when'.
Nothing of particular interest to mention. I still haven't found a new hobby to occupy my time. As a result, things pretty much suck a lot sometimes. Like the last week and a half. Hell.
Speaking of Hell... I hate global warming. It's SO friggen hot all of a sudden. I shudder to think of when actual summer hits...
So, yeah. I need to find something to write about that is actually mildly interesting. Any suggestions?
You would be too after waking up at 5:30 and running around all day. Fun times.
Read more...So I'm breaking my new tradition for some important personal news: I've got new glasses! Heck la!!
Oh, and I had a dream last night, but that's another story. ^^
-end of lame excuse for a blog post-
Let me run.
Let me run to you,
From you.
Imagined music swelling
In my tortured mind,
Recurring daydreams
Haunting me, luring me,
Calling me.
I sit, and I wait,
Wait, watching for your presence
At the other end of the terminal,
Somewhere, anywhere—
Let me know you’re there.
It scares me, truly,
Trying to forget, needing to forgive
Others, you,
Myself.
And the dreams are endless,
A parade of thought, emotion,
Beautiful, beautiful memory,
Haunting me, luring me,
Calling me.
Let me run.
...is an incredible book. I'm still dazed from reading earlier, and I'm not even a third of the way through. Yeah... go out and get it. It's amazing. I promise.
Read more...What started out as just an experimental little something turned into some Phantom of the Opera movie-based fanfiction. Oii. Anyway, since I'm posting more of my writing on here now, I give you...
I'm feeling poetic and profound, so I thought I'd post a few of these that I've come up with since Wednesday. All by me, please don't take without permission, blah blah blah. You plagiarize, I hunt you down.
"How do you fix a heart that technically wasn't broken?" - April 2, 2008
"Bleeding fingers caress strings and keys while broken words tumble down." - April 5, 2008
"And the words speak, flow freely like water, rinsing away bleeding fingers and hearts, comforting, consuming, condemned." - April 6, 2008
More to come.
Sorry about missing a post last night, it completely slipped my mind. I was kind of out of it once I got home from babysitting.
Goodness, that was so great! I got to babysit the little 3 month old from church I've talked about... absolutely adorable. Though my arms are still sore from holding a baby for 5 hours. ^_^
Not so much to talk about today... had another jam session with the cousins, that was... interesting. One shouldn't get us all in one room, we tend to laugh more than get something constructive done. Hehe.
Bleh.... nothing to talk about......
Anyway, I think I'll put this post out of its misery. Til tomorrow, then.
Today went surprisingly well, considering the circumstances. And I'm determined that's the last post concerning anything to do with him. No promises, though. It depends on what happens and how I hold up. But I'm taking it one day at a time. =)
Anyway, I'm thinking of taking this blog in a new direction. I mean, focus on something else besides my life; I realize that's kind of the purpose of a blog, but it's a little too egocentric for me, and I'm not all too into that.
So, until I find myself a new hobby or something to rant about, I think I'm going to post some of my writing. Not fanfiction, per se, though that's definitely possible, considering that's what I write most of the time. Perhaps the occasional poem will find it's way here as well.
But not right now... I'm kind of tired. Just letting you guys know what I have planned for this thing. I figure since I'm more regular about posts I might as well make it something spectacular. ^_^
......Yeah.... don't ask.
Bleh. Okay, where do I even start? Well, I skipped my chem class because I was so stressed out about my Humanities final. Which turned out to be a friggen breeze. Then I went to the high school to watch the chamber orchestra perform, and that was nice; one of the conversations I had is where that lovely quote that makes up the title is from. Of course, guess who snuck up behind me when I was saying that? Oh, yeah. Him. A tad mortifying, but definitely hilarious. Gosh, I miss those high school kids. <3
So, everything was building and building for my big moment tonight. Including my nerves and stress level. And then, less than ten minutes before we're about to leave, Jessica pops into the bathroom where I'm fixing my hair and is like, "I'm debating whether I should tell you something or not."
So, of course, I was confused. "You can tell me something," I said.
"Okay. ...He doesn't like you. Just as friends."
By this point, I'm just like WTF? "And how do you know this?"
"That's what he said, on Monday."
"....And why am I just hearing about this now?"
"I didn't want you to get hurt, you seemed so happy on Monday from spending like an hour outside with him."
"Twenty minutes. ...What exactly did you say? When was this conversation?"
"In his car on the way home, I don't remember exactly what was said. You just came up in conversation a lot, since you're like one of the few things that connects us. So I asked him, 'Do you like her?' and he looked at me funny and said 'Just as friends, nothing more.'"
"Oh."
"I wouldn't have told you if I didn't think he was telling the truth. Are you mad at me?"
"Well, thanks for saving my friggen butt."
"...You're welcome?"
And that was that.
So of course I was all suuuuuper happy and relieved because all the nerves went away, and it was okay for the first half of the concert (the three other high schools were performing as well, and there were two groups ahead of mine); but once they all got up there, and I saw him.... I got all fidgety and I didn't want to make eye contact with him. I didn't want to look at him, but of course I watched him a lot during the whole thing, I couldn't help it. All of the happiness just sort of got sucked away, and though the relief was still there, it was just... meh.
Now I've got to work on getting over him... and I've forgotten how difficult it is. I haven't had to do it in a long time; over a year. *sigh*
Well, at least I found out before I made things all awkward. I guess that's a plus.
Okay.... so, remember how I saw Nick yesterday? Yeah? Good. So, apparently on his way home, he got into a car accident; it wasn't serious, no one was hurt or anything, he just messed up the front end of his truck because he rear-ended someone. The wonderful irony and hilarity of it all? I was totally teasing him about driving a pick up truck when we were talking. I actually told him several times that he needed to get a new car.
Hilarious.
Anyway, tomorrow is Wednesday... and hopefully I don't die. I find myself in a Catch-22, because if I say anything, I'm dead, but if I don't then I'm dead anyway. And I'm kicking myself right now because I have more to lose now. Before, I didn't really consider us friends or anything, more like acquaintances that moved in the same circle; now, though.... oii. But I figure it'll be better to just get it over with rather than let it all build up and have it be even more painful come June.
So.... until, tomorrow, then. Provided I don't die of shame or sadness. And a little piece of me also wants to write "or happiness", but I'm not so hopeful.
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